A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." 

When his lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. 

When the man remained silent for several minutes, the lawyer asked the man what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."